I have 3 major dreams in life right now…to meet be in remission, to be a wife/mother and to meet the band Halestorm. (Of course I still wish and pray for a cure, but since Lyme is not even accepted by the state as a reason for disability and insurance companies don’t recognize Chronic Lyme and Neuroborreliosis I don’t see a cure insight for the immediate (or even 5 year) future.) I MET HALESTORM!!! They were all beyond amazing, not just as performers but as musicians and mostly as people. They took the time to meet all the fans that were outside after the show. Despite being in horrible pain (I think the adrenaline of knowing that I was possibly going to meet the people that save my life from my own hand last October (see “24 hours in Hell”) helped with the pain a bit) I waited for 3 hours after the show to meet the band and I couldn’t have asked for better experience. Lzzy was everything I thought she’d be and more (so were the guys) but it was Lzzy’s voice in my head during those 24 hours that I heard. It was her voice, her lyrics, that my guardian angel put on repeat in my head to save me. I told her she saved my life, in fact they all did and I shared with them all the reasoning behind how and why they did. I even got to meet Lzzy and Arejay’s dad and stepmom – I thanked them for raising such fantastic kids who change lives every day and who save them; for giving them the tools to be who they are and do what they do.
You can say I’m Halestorm obsessed (yup, I have their band logo tattooed on my leg.) I was rocking my Lzztomania shirt (Lzztomania – the need to listen to Lzzy Hale and Halestorm music ALL THE TIME!!!) You can say I’m crazy, but when you are in that moment when you want to give up because you just can’t bear the pain in any sense of the word (for any reason-mine was from treatment and what it was doing to not only my body but my brain as well) you need to hold on to something. When nothing else worked, Halestorm got through to me. So it became a dream of mine to meet them and personally thank them for not letting me quit, for continuing to fight and to beat these spirochetes/bacteria/parasites that are still living inside me and I’m still fighting will all I have.
What happened last night will sustain me for the longest time. I know I still have hard times ahead, that I may indeed get to the point again when I am low and despondent, but I will hear them again in my head, I will look at my signed ticket, at the pictures with them, and I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!
This week was the best week I’ve had in years. My birthday was Tuesday and it was the best birthday I can remember having. I spent the day in bed (by choice for once) watching Disney movies. (I’m not exactly sure why-maybe reliving my childhood, but I loved it.) I went for a kick ass massage, took a nap, showered and went to dinner with my mom and closest friends to celebrate not only my life but life in general. Totally relaxing, no stress and no drama day. It was just what the doctor ordered:)
Wednesday was tattoo day. I got my Tropicana rose (it was the first rosebush my mom had and my dad planted) and my dragonfly (a representation of my brother and because it is the symbol of rebirth/transformation which is what my journey has done (and still continues to do) for me. It couldn’t have come out better! It was beyond anything I could have hoped for. Steve Skelly at Rayzor Tattoos in Steelton, PA did the tattoo. Not only is he an amazing artist but an incredible person. I can’t wait to finish my half sleeve with him and see what an amazing piece of art he will create based on what I’ve chosen (all have symbolic meaning.)
Thursday I finally got my brown to blonde ombre that I’ve been wanting for almost a year. Love my stylist! And that too came out awesome. Friday was day of rest and relaxation.
But Saturday was the big day. Lymestorm was ready for Halestorm. Finally seeing Halestorm again after waiting months (the original date was rescheduled.) I tried to stay in bed and take it easy, to store up my spoons/energy. I knew it would be intense and that my body was going to put up a fight, after all I was making it do things that it did not want to do. I was full energy until I just couldn’t go anymore. My knees were swollen and purple and screaming. My back was throbbing and locking up, despite trying to stretch often and as much as I could. Everything but my heart and brain were fighting against me. I started to herx, full blown shaking and jerking for a while. Still I pushed. When I found out that I could possibly meet them, I didn’t care what I had to do, I was going to go until I collapsed. This might be a once in a lifetime chance to thank them, which was always my driving force. Adrenaline helped. But meeting them…it brought even more peace to my soul.
I can say there’s been celebrities that I thought “It would be cool to meet them” but there has never been a drive to find a way to make it happen, never that real, deep desire to meet them…except Halestorm. I have been thinking and trying intensely for almost a year (Oct 18th-19th is a day I’ll never forget) to figure out a way to meet them and thank them. Never in a million years, did I expect that I’d actually get a chance to meet them at the show (I couldn’t get my hands on VIP Meet and Greet passes, so I figured I’d see the show and then go home on a high from seeing them live again.) I’m still paying for standing all that time, for going too hard, for overdoing it, but I wouldn’t take it back for the world, I got to have a dream come true and sometimes we have to pay the price (I’m not at all complaining because it was completely worth what I’m feeling right now.) I’m still in a lot of pain but I think doing some yoga stretches while I waited helped me from being worse than I already am.
Lzzy, Arejay, Joe, Josh – if you end up reading this I want to again thank you for making one of my biggest dreams come true! I know I thanked you last night, but I will never really be able to convey exactly what you all mean to me. You all not only saved my life, but have forever changed it! Keep being you and keep doing what you’re doing! Thank you for loving your fans so much!
To all my fellow Lymies and coinfected…keep your head up, stay strong and most importantly (as my mom would say) DON’T LET THE BASTARDS WIN! LIFE WILL GET BETTER! We have to go through hell, but there are brighter times a head and don’t forget to dream! I’m living proof that dreams do come true. If you haven’t read it/seen it I highly recommend “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne (the documentary is available on Netflix.) I believe it in wholeheartedly.
Your post made me smile. This path where you experience the illness but are still able to engage with life and fully enjoy yourself IS the healing path. It’s one of the most difficult things I have ever done also. The path transforms us, just like the dragonfly. I am also planning on a dragonfly tattoo. We will be twinsies. : ) Good to hear you sounding so good my friend.