Category Archives: pretending

Returning to Life

I took a lot of time off from writing (too much time.)  At first it wasn’t really intentional.  Life was happening and it was chaotic and busy and I wasn’t checking in. I was more focused on living my life … Continue reading

Posted in Amen, anorexic, Antibiotics, Babesia, Babesiosis, bartonella, being ok, binge eating, bulimic, chronic illness, chronic pain, Coinfections, Comfort, detox, eat well to be well, eating disorder, eating disorders, emotions, Fighter, fighting back, finding your way, food, food matters, friends, go your own way, growing, growing stronger, healing, healing yourself, Help, helping yourself, highs and lows, holistic, homeopathic, hope, I am the fire, I will get better!, I will win, illness, Immune problems, Immune system, Its not your fault, IV infusion, Journey, Klinik St. Georg, LBC, let go and let god, LLMD, Love, Lyme, lyme disease, lyme's disease, Medical, Medication Overload, Meditation, Mycoplasma, nature, No Stamina, obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD, oral medication, oral meds, Pacing yourself, paleo, pretending, psychic, psychic abilities, reflection, religion, sick, sick individual, spiritual, Spiritual, Spiritualty, St Georg Klinik, St. Georg Klinik, staying sane, steps, supplies, Support groups, Support\, Survival, TBD, TBDs, Team Lymestorm, thankful, tickborne, tickborne diseases, ticks, Treatment, trying new stuff, Uncategorized, unconventional, What to expect | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Babesia Blues

I’ve been down in a dark hole for weeks now.  I just finished four months of Babesia treatment.  Four long, rough months.  While I haven’t been physically herxing the mental herxing has been nearly unbearable.  I’ve been all over the … Continue reading

Posted in alone, Antibiotics, Anxiety, Babesia, Babesiosis, bartonella, begging for help, chronic illness, chronic pain, Coinfections, Depraved, depression, desperate, desperate times, disappointed, Disheartened, Dying, emotional, emotions, Exhausted, Exhaustion, faking being ok, finances, Freaks, getting worse, Hell, Help, Herx, herxing, highs and lows, I will get better!, I will win, illness, Immune problems, Immune system, Its not your fault, Journey, LBC, Life is unfair, LLMD, loneliness, Lyme, lyme disease, lyme's disease, Medical, Medication Overload, Mycoplasma, No Stamina, obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD, oral medication, oral meds, pretending, reflection, sick, sick individual, Sleep Deprivation, spoon theory, spoons, Support groups, Support\, TBD, TBDs, Team Lymestorm, the spoon theory, tickborne, tickborne diseases, ticks, Treatment, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Psych Ward : Part 2

I’ve made a very difficult decision today.  I am going to post my “journal” from my time in the psych ward last year when my ammonia levels where exuberantly high.  No one had ever seen them before today when I … Continue reading

Posted in alone, Amen, ammonia, ammonia levels, Anxiety, Babesia, Babesiosis, begging for help, chronic illness, Coinfections, depression, desperate, desperate times, disappointed, Disheartened, emotional, emotions, ER, Exhausted, Exhaustion, faking, faking being ok, Fighter, fighting back, getting better, getting worse, Halestorm, healing, Hell, Help, helping yourself, I am the fire, I will get better!, I will win, illness, Its not your fault, let go and let god, Life is unfair, loneliness, Love, Lyme, lyme disease, lyme's disease, Lzzy Hale, lzzyhale, Medical, Meditation, Misery, Mycoplasma, pretending, psych ward, Real People, religion, sick, sick individual, Sleep Deprivation, spiritual, Spiritual, Spiritualty, spoon theory, spoons, staying sane, suicidal thoughts, Suicide, TBD, TBDs, Team Lymestorm, tickborne, tickborne diseases, ticks, Treatment, Uncategorized, What to expect, yoga | Leave a comment

Shakes and Emotions

I finished dosing Friday and it took me longer to recover than usual. I missed most of a beautiful weekend because my body would not cooperate.  My fatigue was dictating my life again.  I wanted to stay awake and take … Continue reading

Posted in alone, Antibiotics, Anxiety, Babesia, Babesiosis, bartonella, being ok, chronic illness, chronic pain, Coinfections, Congress, Death, depression, desperate, desperate times, disappointed, Disheartened, Educate, emotional, emotions, Exhausted, Exhaustion, faking, faking being ok, Fighter, fighting back, Freaks, getting better, getting worse, growing, Hell, Help, Herx, I am the fire, I will get better!, I will win, Life is unfair, loneliness, Love, Lyme, lyme disease, lyme's disease, Medical, Medication Overload, Misery, Mycoplasma, No Stamina, oral medication, pretending, rain, rainstorms, reflection, sick, sick individual, spoon theory, spoons, staying sane, Support\, Survival, TBD, TBDs, Team Lymestorm, Ten Millions Voices, tickborne, tickborne diseases, ticks, Uncategorized, What to expect | Leave a comment

Love and Relapse

It’s about 3:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep.  I’m sick.  Sicker than I’ve been in a very long time.  Life and its recent stresses have caught up to me.  I need to release, so here I am. I … Continue reading

Posted in Amen, Antibiotics, Anxiety, Babesia, Babesiosis, bartonella, Blessed, chronic illness, chronic pain, Coinfections, Comfort, emotions, Exhausted, Exhaustion, faking, faking being ok, Fighter, fighting back, getting worse, I am the fire, I will get better!, I will win, illness, Immune problems, Immune system, Its not your fault, IV infusion, LBC, let go and let god, Life is unfair, Love, Lyme, lyme disease, lyme's disease, Medical, Mitch Albom, Morrie Schwartz, Mycoplasma, No Stamina, oral medication, oral meds, Pacing yourself, pretending, religion, sick, sick individual, Sleep Deprivation, spoon theory, spoons, steps, Support\, Survival, TBD, TBDs, Team Lymestorm, thankful, the spoon theory, tickborne, tickborne diseases, ticks, Tuesdays With Morrie | Leave a comment

Phoenix Rising

The last several months I haven’t been myself.  Too tired, too depressed, too suicidal to do anything. My days were taken minute by minute in a battle to survive the damage that my brain and body have endured. I found … Continue reading

Posted in alone, Amen, Babesia, Babesiosis, bartonella, being ok, Being prepared, Blessed, chronic illness, chronic pain, Coinfections, Death, Depraved, depression, desperate times, disappointed, Disheartened, Dying, emotional, emotions, Exhausted, Exhaustion, faking, faking being ok, Fighter, fighting back, finding your way, Freaks, friends, getting better, getting worse, go your own way, growing stronger, healing, healing yourself, Hell, Help, Herx, herxing, hope, I am the fire, I will get better!, I will win, illness, Immune problems, Its not your fault, Journey, LBC, let go and let god, Life is unfair, LLMD, loneliness, Lyme, lyme disease, lyme's disease, Medical, Medication Overload, Misery, Mycoplasma, No Stamina, oral medication, oral meds, Pacing yourself, poisonpeople, pretending, rain, Real People, reflection, sick, sick individual, Spiritual, Spiritualty, spoon theory, spoons, staying sane, suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Support groups, Survival, TBD, TBDs, Team Lymestorm, thankful, the spoon theory, tickborne, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Surviving the Setbacks

I have been too tired, too exhausted to post anything for such a long time.  Treatment had not been going well and after talking to my doctor, I had an emergency appointment with my doctor at the beginning of last … Continue reading

Posted in Antibiotics, Anxiety, B12, Babesia, bartonella, chronic illness, chronic pain, Coinfections, Death, Depraved, depression, desperate, desperate times, disappointed, Disheartened, Dying, Educate, emotional, emotions, Exhausted, Exhaustion, Fighter, fighting back, finding your way, Freaks, getting better, getting worse, healing, Hell, Help, helping yourself, Herx, herxing, holistic, homeopathic, hope, I am the fire, I will get better!, I will win, illness, Immune problems, Immune system, Its not your fault, Journey, LBC, Life is unfair, LLMD, loneliness, Love, Low Cortisol, Lyme, lyme disease, Medical, Medication Overload, Misery, No Stamina, obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD, oral medication, oral meds, Pacing yourself, pretending, Purium, sick, sick individual, Sleep Deprivation, spiritual, Spiritual, Spiritualty, spoon theory, spoons, staying sane, steps, suicidal thoughts, Survival, TBD, TBDs, Team Lymestorm, thankful, the spoon theory, tickborne, tickborne diseases, ticks, Treatment, trying new stuff, Uncategorized, unconventional, What to expect, Zombie | 5 Comments