In a couple of weeks, I’ll be a year older…I’ll start my personal new year. Just as many people do during the coming of the “official” new year, every year (usually starts about a month before my actual birthday) I become even more reflective of my life. I think not only about the past year but the past years, where I am, where I want to be, who I am and who I want to become and what I want for my life from this point forward. I tend to become even more emotional and sensitive to everything. This is has been especially wonderful this year and last (insert sarcasm) because of the state of my emotions and my emotional herxing. Despite that I still, think it’s a blessing.
I started a new program yesterday, Purium, after getting approval from my doctors. (Never heard of it? Don’t know what it is?) Purium is a transformation process that involves using foods to heal, detoxify and cleanse your body. It helps to cleanse, re-set your metabolism, detox, break addictions to processed foods, boost energy, improve digestion, sleep more soundly, think more clearly, lose weight (although this is not my intended goal) and helps with a plethora of other medical issues. I’m starting with the 10 day jump-start. My program is being altered slightly because of my dosing protocol. (You can’t have it on days when you are consuming antibiotics because you don’t want to cleanse your system of the drugs you need to fight your disease.) I’m doing it to help improve my general state of health and with the hope that it will expedite my recovery and time to remission.
I’ve been clean eating for several years now. It was a slow process for me. I started slowly in the beginning – eating organic when I could. I cut out chemicals from my home (particularly in cleaning products) by making my own first and then by utilizing Norwex. I have witnessed, first hand the effects of food on the body. My slogan “EAT WELL TO BE WELL!” I know for a fact (and with doctor confirmation) that my choice to clean eat and be aware of what I was putting in my body, kept me from becoming physically more sick than I was and it saved my life. Purium is completely organic and is used by many medical professionals in conjunction with standardized Western medical practices.
I’m still attacking my Lyme and Babesia and Bartonella on all fronts. Purium is just another tool which I am utilizing. My doctor has modified my dosing protocol to allow my body time to heal from the abuse its been through over the last 18 months of treatment (and wear and tear from my diseases in the decade prior to that.) This is an intense time of healing for me and it is my number one focus. To be better, to heal. After only one day, (I’m into day 2 now) I can already feel a difference and that’s from someone who already knew and researched and practiced the healing power of food.
Expanding on my repertoire of alternative tools, I saw a reiki last week. Again, I had researched, but I still wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. Those of us who are sick with this terrible disease and its coinfections, know that each person responds differently to each type of treatment in which we seek and/or utilize…its the nature of this nasty beast. For me, the reiki was an AMAZING experience. Not only did I have traditional reiki performed but an aura cleansing and chakra balancing. (For those that are unaware, reiki has to do with energy movement and circulation. It’s not massage, but does involve some hands on touching (best example I can compare it to, would be having a priest “lay hands” on you.) I limped into the reiki’s office with a cane and walked out as close to pain-free as I can imagine. It wasn’t just a physical change I felt, but my body felt aligned with my heart and soul. This is a practice I will definitely be continuing and recommend others to at least try it. Keep an open mind and you might be really surprised by what you walk away with from the experience. (I also do regular yoga, meditation, dance, listen to music, go to the river, pray, just to name a few.)
I have talked about my “sensitivities” but haven’t gone into great detail. After much research, reading and talking to others, I have realized and accepted that I have become a light worker as a result of my diseases and treatment. (This is NOT uncommon, but is not commonly talked about.)
They say that everyone is born with psychic ability, it’s just a matter of cultivation. I remember as a child seeing what I now know to be auras. I’ve always been attuned with nature and animals but even more so now. I spent years suppressing this “gift” and so eventually it went dormant. It has been awakened by treatment and has only continued to grow stronger, more powerful and more prevalent in my life. Let me explain…
My entire life, I can always remember dreaming things before they would happen or just having a feeling of “knowing” certain things. I, like most, just wrote it off. But something happened in late March of 2012 that opened a door that can now not be shut. Out of the blue, I was dreaming about my Uncle John, who passed away at 31 (I was only 8 at the time and due to a severe head injury as a child, I have no memories of him at all.) When I started dreaming about him, I was an adult in my dreams yet we were in only settings that I would have known him from as a child. We started remodeling a house together. My dreams about him started becoming more and more frequent, with no known reasoning. It so happened that about 3 weeks after my first dream with my Uncle John, I went to have my tarot cards read by a psychic medium. Without any mention of my Uncle, she picked up on him right away, telling me that he was using me to get through to my mom, to tell her that everything was going to be ok. The psychic medium also mentioned that his job in Heaven was to help those who passed away either very suddenly or very tragically. She also told me that I was surrounded by no less than 7 angels and/or spirits at any given time. Here’s where it really got weird…
A month later, almost to the day, my brother passed away both very suddenly and unexpectedly. I knew this was coming though I had no reason to “know.” As hard and traumatic as the experience of losing a sibling was (it remains one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through and I still carry him with me every day), I found comfort with my Uncle John. My brother also died at the same age (31) that my Uncle John did. Some how, I didn’t know how, I was connecting with my Uncle John.
I thought this was divine intervention and a one time thing. Oh boy, was I wrong. Once I started treatment, things kicked into high gear with the most increase in both frequency and new abilities coming to the surface in the last 18 months. I started seeing dead relatives (some I’d met and some I never had.) I see them, not as apparitions but as clear as I can see any living being. I then began to hear them. I started to be able to touch certain objects and see things through the eyes of the people they belonged (or had belonged to.) Three weeks ago, I had another ‘first’…I literally watched my Great Aunt Jane walk into my body. At first I was completely paralyzed, frozen. There was fear, comfort, the feeling of not being able to breathe, a heaviness on my chest and warmth in my heart. I’ve had it happen now with several others and each time, it still gives me the same feelings. It’s an unbelievable experience but it’s still so new that is still scares me at first.
Ok, so I know you’re thinking, this woman has lost her mind or she’s just way over-medicated. I thought that at first too. But I have been able to give others undeniable proof that what is happening is very, very real (also I’m not on the mind altering meds I was before.) I’ve written down things that I’ve been “told” and shared with my mom who has told me there is “no way for you to know that.” She and/or others have seen objects moving or even been around me and seen the dead. So there is no denying that what is happening to me is very real. I even spoke to a priest about this and he called it a gift that God has blessed me with. I don’t talk about it often because of the looks I get, or the second guessing or being told I’m losing my mind. But after talking with another Lyme patient the other day, who said they have gone through similar things (more thinking about someone and then them being in contact or seeing them) I felt it was important to share my own experiences hoping it would help someone else. (By the way, I go to a Christian counseling center and my therapist does NOT think I’m crazy, she actually very much believes in this stuff.)
The unrest in my family upsets me terribly. What I need from them is not tangible things or things I need them to do for me. I need and want the emotional support which I feel is just not there. We all judge, whether we mean to or not. What is important is, if and when we do judge to make amends and apologize for any harm or negative feelings we have inflicted on someone else. I may not always agree with people, but I am willing to keep an open mind. I will hear anyone out on just about anything. I ask for the same in return, even if it comes down to “agreeing to disagree.”
My life is so very different from it was. I want to feel understood or at least feel like there is an attempt to know and see me for the person I am now. My thoughts might go against what is common, but that does not mean they are wrong. If I wouldn’t have gone against the grain and fought so hard for myself, then I would be six feet under and people would be mourning me. Instead, I have been given a second chance and I desperately want people to see this and to try to understand me (even if they really can’t, that’s ok.) We all want to feel accepted, to not live in isolation from everything else. I want the same things. I want to be seen as an individual, who though at times may be not be in complete control of her emotions (including how they come out), is a unique person. I was told that “the more enlightened we become, the more isolated we also become.” I am living this now. IT IS NOT BY CHOICE! I can’t help what I know, what I’ve learned, what I’ve lived through. Is it wrong to want people and friends and family to want to live the happiest, healthiest lives they can live? If so then I am dead wrong. I’m not saying that what works for me, will nor does, work for everyone else. Its been a learning process for me too. Unfortunately, right now my world revolves around my health. That includes food, alternative medicines, Western medicine, out of the box thinking, emotional learning. I am alone so much because of my diseases. I didn’t ask for them, but even so, I look at them as a catalyst for me finally becoming someone who really loves herself (yes, I still have my insecurities, imperfections and flaws – I know this, so no one needs to reiterate it to me.) What I need, want and crave is acceptance despite those all of those things. I have lost so many “friends” because I no longer serve the purpose I once did or because my life has changed so dramatically and my focus has been shifted from just surviving life to celebrating it. Some have walked away on their own. Some I have been forced to walk away from because they are not healthy for me. It still hurts no matter what the reasoning.
This year I am much better physically and am choosing to celebrate my birthday with those that love and care for me. Who have been and continue to remain at my side. The numbers might have dwindled significantly, but those close to me, I see as irreplaceable. I start dosing again tomorrow and will finish up just days prior to my birthday. I’m celebrating all week, maybe to make up for the years I missed because I was so sick and so unable to really love myself. Overcompensation? Maybe. But this is my life and for the first time in my life, I’m celebrating me, the love I have gained (for myself and others), my accomplishments and my ability to change for the better. This is going to be the year that I get even better and hopefully obtain remission!
What a beautiful post. Of all the Lyme blogs I read, I relate to yours the most. I compliment your bravery in speaking your truth. I have also had some of the experiences you speak of but have been hesitant to tell anyone fearing ridicule. I resonate with so much of what you have said here. Even though I’ve never met you, when I read your words its like reading what I myself would say. Many people who I have loved the most in my life are on the other side. I know they want to help me, and I allow them to sometimes. Count me as someone who understands and knows that everything you’ve written here is true.
Reading your comment really made my night. My whole purpose in doing this blog was to help others, to inspire them and to relate to them, letting them know they are not alone. I feel like with just that one comment, everything I’ve put out there, has completely been worth it!:)
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